damn you rasins

hm..

my question is..

me too

cookies

police level

o_o

Joke week- Saturday

Women's rights.

Joke week- Friday

Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"

"No," says Monica. "Mustard."


 ______________________________________________

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

 ______________________________________________ 

A politician is one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Joke week- Thursday

 What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.


 What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person?
Neighbor.


 What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
A mudslide.
What do you call a bunch of mexicans running down a hill?
Prison break.

 
What do you call two blacks at a lunch?
Friends hanging out.
What do you call two mexicans at a lunch?
Friends hanging out.
What do you call two whites at a lunch?
Queers.


What do you do when the lights go out and your tv starts floating?
Turn on the lights and shoot the black people


 How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.


 A black and a mexican are in a car. Who's driving?
Cops

Joke week- Wendsday

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust

_____________________________________________

Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone?

Because he was hit by a bus

_____________________________________________


Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and therefore incapable of feeling fear

_____________________________________________

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

_____________________________________________

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin

_____________________________________________

Why did Jane fall off the swings?

She had no arms

Joke week- Tuesday

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Ghosts sit around campfires and tell Chuck Norris stories
Before the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was in all of the Star Wars movies, he played as the force
Chuck Norris actually died 20 years ago. Death hasn't gotten the courage to tell him yet
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life
There are actually no weapons of mass destruction in the middle east. Chuck Norris lives in Ohio
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through land
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep
When Chuck Norris tells time, time obeys
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding

Joke week- Monday

Two peanuts walk in a bar and one was asalted

_____________________________________________________________________________
 
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

 _____________________________________________________________________________
 
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

_____________________________________________________________________________
 
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana

_____________________________________________________________________________
  
When a clock is hungry, it goes back 4 seconds

_____________________________________________________________________________

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

_____________________________________________________________________________





ALSO:

 

Joke week- Sunday

Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean.
Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father. Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that killed my father!
Let's swim closer!

When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge."

And the female agreed to this. So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.

The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that the sailors were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood and floating in the ocean. The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp up all the sailors!"

That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said, "Oh no... I agreed to the blow job but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen."


_____________________________________________________________________________

One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.
The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."
So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"
The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."


_____________________________________________________________________________

The Husband Store

 A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman
 may go to choose a husband from among many men. The
 store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive
 attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

 There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may
 choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go
 back down except to exit the building.

 So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

 On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

 Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
 The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better
 than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"

 So up she goes.

 The second floor sign reads:

 Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
 The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's
 further up?" And up she goes again.

 The third floor sign reads:

 Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good
 looking. "Hmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

 The fourth floor sign reads:

 Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking
 and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very
 tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up
 another flight.

 The fifth floor sign reads:

 Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,
 help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy
 me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to
 the sixth floor she goes.

 The sixth floor sign reads:

 Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no
 men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
 impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store and
 have a nice day

 

y u no comp

yes

good show